Sacrificing Who You Are For Who You Could Be

Guest Post by Milan Paroski, RP (Qualifying)

Lately, I’ve been reading The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday, which explores Stoic philosophy. He writes about historical figures who overcame obstacles against the odds and breaks this process down into three key factors: perception, action, and will. One thing that stuck with me and that I thought about deeply was the Serenity Prayer—accepting what you can’t change, having the courage to change what you can, and developing the wisdom to know the difference.

This idea has been on my mind a lot. Everyone has things that irritate them, but if we allow ourselves to get frustrated over things we can’t control, we’re effectively surrendering our power—both over our emotions and our lives. If I can’t control it, why should I react to it? You can either dwell on the past or focus on the present and future. Some might say it’s more of a spectrum, but in practice, the choice is clear: fixate on painful memories and emotions tied to the past, or direct your energy toward becoming who you want to be. Living in the past means sacrificing your potential. If you’re serious about closing the gap between who you are and who you want to become, then staying stuck in old patterns isn’t an option. Growth demands transformation.

Moreover, who’s to say that the deep feelings of satisfaction, confidence, inspiration, and gratitude that we feel when we thrive, as a result of our own toiling for greatness, won’t lead us to be more tolerant of those things we used to think so much about, those things we cannot change. For the past four days, I’ve been disciplined—running daily, journaling in the mornings, getting more sleep, waking up earlier, and doing a dopamine detox. My productivity has skyrocketed. This morning, despite only sleeping five and a half hours, I woke up before my alarm at 4:50 AM, ready to attack the day. Before this regimen, I would’ve rolled over, made excuses, and felt sorry for myself. That victim mentality only reinforces itself: falling short of my potential made me anxious, and I’d seek temporary relief in distractions, making me even less productive. It’s a hard cycle to break, but it is breakable.

Every day of discipline adds momentum, and that momentum fuels progress. Focus is everything. You can only direct your attention to one thing at a time, so if you’re obsessing over the past, you’re sacrificing your future. I once heard that skiers don’t focus on the trees when going downhill—if they do, they’ll crash into them. Instead, they focus on the path, and that’s what guides them safely down the slope. The same principle applies to life. What we choose to focus on shapes our reality. The world is full of infinite stimuli, but what we attend to determines what we experience. Don’t focus on the obstacle—focus on the way forward. That means living in alignment with the person you aspire to become. Change doesn’t happen passively. I used to think there would be some day when I’d finally step into my ideal self, as if transformation would just arrive on its own. But if I knew what needed to change, why wait? The sooner you start being that guy, the sooner you become that guy.

I’ve watched my fair share of motivational speeches, and one that stuck with me was Denzel Washington telling a group of graduates, and I’m paraphrasing: “To get something you’ve never had, you must do something you’ve never done.” We all aspire to reach new heights, but the work begins now. Tomorrow is always out of reach—only the present moment is yours to control. Don’t wait for next week or next Monday. If you want to be that man, start being him today.