Rethinking Stoicism: When Emotional Strength Isn’t the Same as Emotional Suppression
Stoicism is often seen as a pillar of traditional masculinity. It’s associated with being tough, self-reliant, and emotionally controlled. But in conversations about men’s mental health, Stoicism tends to get criticized and seen as a mindset that encourages men to suppress their feelings, avoid vulnerability, and keep emotions locked away.
But that’s a misunderstanding of what Stoicism actually teaches.
When we look at the original philosophy, it’s clear that Stoicism isn’t about avoiding emotions, it’s about being able to experience them fully, while maintaining the ability to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
In this post, we’ll explore how Stoicism has been misinterpreted in modern society, what the philosophy actually teaches, and how reclaiming a healthier version of Stoicism can benefit men’s mental health today.
1. The Misunderstood “Tough Guy” Image
In modern life, Stoicism has been twisted into a rigid ideal. We see it in sayings like “boys don’t feel” and “man up.” This kind of “toxic stoicism” tells men that showing vulnerability is a weakness. Over time, this belief can shut down emotional awareness and disconnect men from themselves, their feelings, and the people around them.
2. What True Stoicism Really Is
Stoicism in its original form from philosophers like Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and Epictetus, was about more than emotional endurance. It was about fully feeling your emotions, without being controlled by them.
Ryan Holiday, a modern popularizer of Stoic philosophy (think The Daily Stoic), highlights that Stoicism isn't about emotional suppression, it’s about:
Awareness: Recognizing what you feel.
Acceptance: Allowing emotions without shame or avoidance.
Choice: Responding consciously, not reacting out of fear or confusion.
This ability to feel and choose is rooted in a concept we now call psychological flexibility: the capacity to experience emotions while staying aligned with your values and actions.
3. When Stoicism Turns Harmful
When Stoicism is misunderstood and misused, it becomes harmful. Here’s how:
Emotional shutdown can lead to anxiety, depression, or anger outbursts.
Self-stigma grows when men believe needing help is a sign of weakness.
Disconnection from relationships becomes common when sharing emotions feels taboo.
Turn to unhealthy coping like overworking, numbing, or substances because emotions feel unsafe.
Instead of resilience, this misapplied Stoicism leads to exhaustion and isolation.
4. Reclaiming Stoicism: Healthy and Human
So how do we bring back the good parts of Stoicism for today? Here’s what real-life Stoicism practiced well looks like:
Notice your emotions: Builds self-awareness before impulses take over
Accept what you feel: Fosters self-compassion, reduces shame
Choose your response: Helps manage stress and make intentional decisions
Focus on what you can control: Reduces unnecessary worry and mental fatigue
True Stoicism helps you feel deeply, think clearly, and act intentionally. It’s a powerful foundation for mental strength.
When practiced as it was meant to be, Stoicism gives us the ability to fully experience our emotions while choosing how to respond, rather than being ruled by them. For men and boys, this isn’t about shutting down or pretending to be unaffected. It’s about knowing yourself, feeling deeply, and still moving forward with clarity and purpose